In terms of the Shidduch System, how much research do you do before agreeing to out with a girl/guy?
posted by Michelle at 9:30 AM
Wednesday, March 08, 2006
About Me
- Name: Michelle
- Location: Brooklyn, New York, United States
www.humblejewishopinion.blogspot.com www.humblejewishopinions.blogspot.com AND www.isitjustmichelle.blogspot.com Looking for a high-maintenance young woman? Right neighborhood. Right high school. Right bungalow colony. Right shul. Wrong girl.
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7 Comments:
well im past that stage
5:39 PM
as little as possible...i'd prefer to get to know the person on my own terms.
8:52 AM
[I am an average, stereotypical Brooklyn/Queens College-while-in yeshiva kind of guy, born and raised in NY. The following list consists of my basic questions that I like to ask... I came up with these questions as they were suggested to me by relatives, Rabbeim, and friends ever since I entered the realm of shidduchim. (Obviously, I have gotten many more suggestions then just these 5... these are just the ones that seem to be worth asking and knowing in advance of agreeing to go out on a blind shidduch date with a girl) ]
Ideally, I would like to have my "team" find out the following few points before I agree to go out with a girl:
1) Is she normal? (i.e. "on the same page as me"; down to earth, and not too yeshivish/frum)
2) Does she have a temper or frequent/tricky mood swings?
3) Is she a stable girl from a stable family?
[Reliable research on the subject has indicated that a person is significantly more likely to bear children with emotional/psychological disorders if such disorders exist within their immediate families gene pool.(i.e. parent or sibling) ]
4) Can her parents afford to meet my folks halfway on the financial support until I finish grad school and find a job?
(I not a moocher-- I am already in grad school and have made real plans and preperations in pursuit of a professional career that along with some BS"D will hopefully enable me to provide sufficient financial support to a wife and kids IMY"H, BE"H.)
5) What is her general build or body-type?
[Is she anerexic, athletic/healthy-slim, average weight, slightly overweight, or is she an unbelieveable baalas midos? (which when mentioned in response to an inquirey about her appearence usually means that the girl is TREMENDOUS &/or asbolutely hideous) ]
Michelle: How much research do you do before agreeing to go out with a guy?
9:50 PM
I do as much research as possible because you can't really learn everything about a person in the limited environment that constitutes shidduch dating.
7:58 AM
i try to invest as little energy as possible before meeting them the first time. i see no point in getting a 3rd person's opinion about my dates until i actually meet them and know if theres a point in finding out, and once i meet them -if its worth finding out more - i try to do it on my own. i dont think dating should be handled like a business deal. im not making a purchase. the human factor is the most important and i think im the best judge of that. if i see soemthing suspicious or i have questions, then i look into it.
5:34 AM
First of all, we never call the references that they give us. I try to call people that I know and they know to get an unbiased opinion.
Beyond that, we don't do too much research before the first date. Just the basics if he's "normal", what I'm looking for, "normal looking" and if people say good things about him and the family.
If I continue going out with the guy, then we look more into it. Why waste hours and hours on the phone, like some fanatic mothers, when 85% of the guys I go out with, don't get past the second date.
10:45 PM
Hey, I think you should make this post more public somehow. It's a really cool idea and I looove giving my viewpoints on things!!
On this, well, although I'm past this stage.. I'll tell you what I did do..
Some, but not crazy. i agree with anonymous who gave the list. Those are fair questions- and important ones. What tablecloth is NOT important, I'm sure you all know, but does s/he have a temper or is his/her family stable, are important- even though it might not make a difference at times. For instance, someone can come from an unstable home, but really be a totally stable person, even more so b/c of the home situation. Or vice versa. But these are things worth looking into.
MORE QUESTIONS!!
3:34 PM
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